!?! PT 3

[secare]

Question meme because I broke or have almost broken some milestones with my characters! Crown at 9K comments (not all kyr), Yukine for 6K, and Caretaker almost 1k! Ask me anything and everything. I will answer to the best of my ability, yushuyushu.

If you're not aware, I play Yukine (Alectryon), Crown (Rats), Lion (Cats, echo-dropped), Caretaker (Tiamat Patron), and Melek. . . Who has not been introduced yet. I HAVE TOO MUCH.

Questions that are not allowed:
- YOU ALREADY KNOW, YOU DEMONS.

Comments

[sweatypalms]

I AM YOUR FAVORITE TALK ABOUT HOW MUCH YOU LOVE ME

[secare]

. . . Who are you? ( squints. )

[clamant]

OKAY BECAUSE YOU PROMISED YOU WOULD RELATIONSHIP ME BACK, I SHALL RELENT. SINCE YOU HAVE APPARENTLY NEVER DONE THIS FOR ME ON ONE OF THESE MEMES. I swear, Pol!!

Annnnd to be honest with you, I have wanted to talk about the two of them since the heart game. Like with a burning passion because I am always excited with how the two of them develop. THANK YOU FOR BEING A COMPLETE COCK-UP IN THE HEART GAME, YATO.

I can't remember the last time I wrote up anything for the way Yukine feels about Yato, which is a shame, because I lack anything to draw comparison to, but I know damn well that they would be incredibly different. Yukine used to be super hinged on the idea that he needed to force a better relationship between the two of them. He felt that he needed Yato trust in him, confide in him, and all of this extra nonsense that Yato was obviously never going to do so it was really just setting himself up for one disappointment after another. It was really dumb but he wanted to force a situation where he felt that he was needed and could imitate the kind of the closeness that he felt that they had back home when he was really just misunderstanding AROUND EVERYDAY for closeness. he's his shinki so he wants to be there for him and be at the ready and all these nice things, but they were just half-baked sentiments that he didn't really consider past a surface level of "I WANT THIS". With the heart-game, he was able to settle a lot of problematic feelings that he was having in the first place with Yato.

Through the heart-game he learned the following:
* He shouldn't trust Yato, but he shouldn't be mad at Yato for being Yato.
* Yato is honestly trying.
* Yato does care for him.
* He is Yato's guidepost & nothing is going to change that.
* Only he, himself, can change that.
* He shouldn't force Yato to be anything but a better version of himself. Trying to make a different person won't work out for anyone.
* Yato won't abandon him.
* Yato does have some respect for him.

Overall, he came out of it with a lot more positive feelings towards Yato than he originally had. And he's not unsure of his footing anymore. He loves Yato, he acknowledges that he loves Yato—even though he'll never say it again. That was your one shot, Yato! He doesn't believe that Yato shares his feelings (more like he thinks Yato has a warm regard for him and that's as far as it goes), but he's okay with it. He's generally pretty okay at where they are right now. He feels that stuff will change as it's needed and he was dumb for trying so hard, out of insecurity, to push things into a direction that suited him better.

IS THERE ANYTHING I NEED TO CLARIFY ON?

[flamingcock]

YUKINEEEEEEEEEEEH

It's hard to say where Yato's feelings are regarding Youkeen at this EXACT MOMENT because YUKINE'S BEEN HIDING and WE HAVEN'T THREADED IN A WHILE, tag me ho. But:

Yato loves Yukine, HE DOES. The problem is that he is perhaps not the best at expressing it through actions, and expressing it appropriately through words may not ever even occur to him. At least, not through one word. Is Yato even capable of using the L-word?! Disgusting. Only time will tell.

But he really does... care deeply about him and feels highly protective of him, and can't really stand the fact that they're so separated here and he can do fuck all for Yukine during most trauma games. IT'S THE WORST SITUATION, why can't you be on Epona???!! ...But he knows that's just how it is and how it has been, and they've got to live with it. All he can do is attempt to be there for him after things go to shit. To the best of his questionable ability. He frets about him a lot, though. And Yukine keeps doing insane things, which doesn't help??? QUESTING FOR A TWO-WAY CONNECTION??? Giving up all the things that make him feel 'alive'?! AND WHAT WAS WITH ALL THE MURDER IN YOUR HEART?? This is all distressing and he doesn't know what to do with it. ...Though he'll still insist Yukine get rid of the connection thing. Why would you want to feel his pain, you lunatic.

He feels that the biggest sticking point between him and Yukine right now is his own inability to open up or be honest, though. Obviously. It's come up with his other CR as well, he's well aware it's a problem and he's trying to take steps in the right direction. (Or whatever people tell him the 'right' direction is, because being that open does not sit comfortably with him ever.) But even when he does make progress, like telling Yukine his Real Name, he's taking a step back at the same time-- like never mentioning the memory of Bisha chopping him in half. And he feels bad about it, but not bad enough... to do better. Whoops!! It's easier this way?! YET HE STILL WANTS YUKINE'S TRUST REGARDLESS. HE HAS YOUR BEST INTERESTS AT HEART, HE SWEARS.

HE USUALLY DOES, ANYWAY. Mostly. Sometimes. :(

There may still be progress to be made on that front.

He knows... he knows Yukine won't abandon him. Intellectually, he knows it, anyway. Yukine's reassured him multiple times, and lord knows he's had reason enough to leave countless times before and hasn't. Yet still part of the reason he's compelled to hide things is because he's afraid of Yukine's reaction. WHICH IS STUPID. YUKINE'S SEEN HIS MEMORIES. HE KNOWS THIS SHIT. But there's still that nagging fear he can't get over, that one day Yukine's gonna come to his senses and drop by Epona and hand in his resignation. It's not, from his perspective, a lack of trust in Yukine, but a trust in his own shittiness. Yato knows he's trash. He also knows Yukine won't get it. He wants to strengthen Yukine's confidence, not weaken it by doubting him, bbbbut. Bbbbbbut. He can't help it.

Their relationship still just isn't nearly as solid as he remembers it being back home (at least in some memories.) This is to be expected, since circumstances are totally different here and they've only really known each other, in Kyr, for a few months. He wants what they have at home, but this isn't remotely home. They aren't responding to jobs together or killing ayakashi together. They can't live together. They can easily go days without seeing each other. It ain't natural. Yukine is supposed to be his guidepost, and he wants him to act as it, but they both have obligations beyond each other. Teams and games and shit all gets in the way. He has no idea what's going on in Yukine's life on a daily basis and is bad at doing the obvious thing and asking Yukine. Maybe he should just start stalking him 24/7?! THAT SEEMS LIKE THE BEST WAY TO FIND OUT.

I'M PROBABLY FORGETTING IMPORTANT STUFF BUT I FEEL LIKE I WROTE A LOT ALREADY