[ it's true that his lack of a heartbeat would make her sad, a reminder of how and why he lost it, but it would only be one of a number of things. like the way her attempt to connect to him, to hold onto to what she often feels is a "golden" past between the two of them, prior to kyr, through the use of the suffix ultimately fails to elicit the response that she'd hoped for.
it's hard to keep listening, to not feel a sort of... despair as he admonishes her for selfishness. and ugliness. and making her problems harder than they have to be.
she just wanted to reach him. how does she always get it so wrong?
and in fact, she starts to cry, in spite of herself, loathing herself, her selfishness, her loss and the helpless way she feels: there is nothing her fists can do to solve any of these problems.
and so she does feel ugly, and alone, and lost, and it's her fault... ]
[ but she is listening, which is why, as he talks about forgiving herself for that, and connecting on the many issues she's been feeling – the lostness, the hurt, being wrapped up in that helpless feeling—
he's not just saying he knows what it is, he knows. ]
[ slowly the hand he's been stroking turns over and her fingers grasp and simply hold his in hers. her hand is warm, almost hot—but not sweaty and gross like certain people not to be named or present in this thread
she turns her face to him, still tear-streaked, but—smiling, she croaks: ]
Just not by my hair, okay? [ sniff ] I wear a hat, but... I don't want to go bald.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
done
Or I'll just drag you.
/4
it's hard to keep listening, to not feel a sort of... despair as he admonishes her for selfishness. and ugliness. and making her problems harder than they have to be.
she just wanted to reach him. how does she always get it so wrong?
and in fact, she starts to cry, in spite of herself, loathing herself, her selfishness, her loss and the helpless way she feels: there is nothing her fists can do to solve any of these problems.
and so she does feel ugly, and alone, and lost, and it's her fault... ]
Re: done
he's not just saying he knows what it is, he knows. ]
Re: done
a little ugly.
and maybe it's okay to forgive herself and to let other people offer forgiveness, too.
she has a future to think about, too. not just the past... and the way things were, or could have been. ]
Re: done
like certain people not to be named or present in this threadshe turns her face to him, still tear-streaked, but—smiling, she croaks: ]
Just not by my hair, okay? [ sniff ] I wear a hat, but... I don't want to go bald.
no subject
( a light quiet laugh as he locks their fingers together. )
So try not to be afraid. No matter what, I'll stick by you.
no subject
[ especially after everything they've been through. ]