Ok And just in case you're thinking about burying me in the yard, I'm sending my whereabouts to five different people so they'll know who to investigate
[ ANYWAY he'll be there shortly. He'll give Yukine a ring again instead of knocking, just in case. ]
( the calling wasn't actually necessary this time around considering that this time yato isn't coming over at some wild hour of the night. the sun is out, everyone is awake and most likely already out somewhere in the town enjoying the nice weather while yukine sits on the back porch. he hadn't really had any plans for the day, but he didn't want to be inside either. so this was his solution, hanging out back here and trying to spot birds.
when he gets yato's call, he hangs it up immediately and walks over to the unlocked gate to greet him. )
C'mon.
( waving him in after pulling it open and then pointing to the set of chairs on the porch. )
[ He follows Yukine to the porch, glancing around for anyone who might be there to hear their conversation. He would prefer to stand, if only to have some way of channeling his pent up apprehension, but he'll sit. Awkwardly, on the forward half of the seat, hands in jacket pockets. He's glad he suggested somewhere in the open air.
Small talk would be a farce, so he'll dive right into it once Yukine is settled. ]
So, uh... I should apologize for being secretive last time. I didn't handle things too well.
[ He isn't too proud for anything where his friends are concerned. Quite the contrary. ]
( it's a near immediate walk back onto the porch. the backyard isn't especially spacious, but it's more than enough for a decently sized porch and a solid amount of lawn. it doesn't take him but a minute to get back into his chair, basically flopping into it. he keeps his gaze on yato's face the entire time, watching him.
partly because he expects something stupid or shitty to happen and partly because he's just not sure what he's supposed to do about any of this. he snorts when yato finally speaks, waving a hand in the air. )
[ ... Look he's glad Yukine accepted that so easily, but it was almost so easy that it's irritating... But Yukine is rude, what else is new. Yato gives him a look before continuing. ]
I've seen you in my hallucinomemories. You had the same tattoo in 'em. Other people had tattoos of their own names too.
[ -- What. That wasn't an apology? Admitting he messed up doesn't count? Isn't this splitting hairs?? But under Yukine's scrutiny, Yato slowly packs all those questions into a tiny little box and sits on it. ]
I apologize, okay? You tried to confide in me and I didn't return the favor. I hurt your feelings. It was unfair of me. I'm sorry.
[ He gets it. He totally gets it. He got it the night it was happening. But it felt, at the time, absolutely necessary. It still kind of does, however much he ends up revealing today. ]
I only know a little. But people's names seemed... important. Like more than just something other people call you.
[ When he called that girl's name, she turned into a sword and flew to his hand. When he met Yukine, all Yukine had were the clothes on his back and that screaming red tattoo on his collarbone. Even the way Yato said Yukine's names -- both of them -- was heavy with care.
Yato's gaze breaks away to focus on some interesting plant nearby. He'll be honest, even if what he says doesn't sound too great. ]
I was cagey 'cause I thought there was some stuff you were better off not knowing. I didn't wanna set off any of your memories on accident.
( if yukine were really splitting hairs, he'd clarify that yato did more than just hurt his feelings, but he's not actually trying to push yato into withdrawing again. for as much as he wants to retaliate or hell, just do something so yato would think twice before pulling shit with him again—
he wants answers first.
he combs a hand through his hair as he listens, silent as he gives yato time to talk and time for himself to consider what he'll say to him. )
Kind of pointless to do that, isn't it? If they're my memories or my alter's or whatever the deal is, I'm going to eventually remember it all anyway.
( . . . )
Why would I be better off not knowing? And what do you mean the names are important?
I dunno, they're just important! Why else would you have a tattoo like that?
[ And it's not even not Yukine, the name his parents gave him. Yuki. Yet he possessed both names in Yato's memory...
Trying to explain as much as Yato can of the little he knows without explaining too much is already frustrating. Truly, the blind leading the blind. ]
You'd be better off 'cause... sometimes curiosity kills the cat?
[ Oh god why did he word it that way. He half-turns away from Yukine in his seat and presses his hand to his forehead he's so fucking stupid. But he forges on: ]
Sometimes I think that seeing more of those visions can trigger changes in people. Let's say... you knew I was a sea cucumber in another life. Wouldn't you wanna avoid me possibly turning into a sea cucumber in this life too?
( a sigh as he sinks a little further in his chair. maybe his expectations were too high or something because he kept getting the impression that yato was a lot more well informed about everything than he's letting on.
maybe yato only knows a little more than him?
or maybe he's fucking with him. again. )
Geez, I thought you were going to have better answers than this.
( a pause.
what the fuck was all that? curiosity kills the cat? sea cucumbers?
okay, let's try it in yato's terms. maybe he'll be enlightening then. )
Are you saying. . . I was like a "sea cucumber" in your memories and you wanna avoid that. . .?
[ Expectations are always too high when Yato is involved. ]
Excuse me for not being able to cherry-pick hallucinomemories. I want answers too, y'know.
[ And good, just go along with the sea cucumber example. Yato is just glad Yukine isn't immediately trashing him for it. ]
Exactly! It's one of those things you can't take back. You could go full cucumber [ he leans toward Yukine, snaps his fingers ] right this moment, and the egg would be all over my face.
[ And he should... try to have Yukine understand that so he won't ask any more questions, but maybe giving Yukine at least some information will be better in the long run. Sate his curiosity for now. Curated information is better than Yukine stumbling headfirst into any wild old thing. Plus, teenagers. They live to get in trouble. ]
( a sigh. yato has a point. he can't feasibly expect that, but still, he was hoping yato had more than this. )
Of course. It isn't even a question.
( who would back away? especially when it's being referred to as something like a cucumber. it's too weird! he just wants to know. )
Aren't you looking at this wrong? If I'm going to remember it anyway like from someone else or on my own, isn't it better to be prepared for the cucumbering?
[ Yato could argue all day for why the information he has is best kept secret. Has been arguing it to himself for at least a month. But Chiyo's advice didn't fall on deaf ears, and if he has to be honest with himself -- really, brutally honest -- he's only been running away from the reality surrounding Yukine. It's Yukine's life, young as it is. If Yukine wants to know, then Yato isn't certain he has any right to protect him from that information anymore, if he ever did. ]
Yeah... Yeah. It's just that the stakes are high. Really high.
[ Yato is a reckless gambler, but this is one gamble almost too much to bear. Being open with Yukine could mean nothing, or it could mean everything. Even now, trying to think of something he can tell Yukine without telling too much sends his mind reeling with panic.
Yet his conviction begins to waver. Yato even said it himself to Yuuko, so long ago: if he could know when he was going to die, he would want to know, if only to say his goodbyes.
And that memory is what does it. In the end, he never got to say goodbye to Yuuko, or thank her for being his friend. She forgot so suddenly, he had no chance. Even if she wouldn't have been able to hold onto his farewells, if he'd had the chance to make his peace, maybe he wouldn't have to feel so much sadness when he looks at her now, sadness he can't keep from his face as he looks away from Yukine. He speaks softly. ]
It's your life, Yuki. If knowing that it could harm you doesn't stop you from wanting to know, then I'll tell you.
( simply said. that much is a fact and there's no amount of deterrent that would make him change his mind. if it's something related to him even if it's not really-quite-him, he wants to know everything he can about it. )
Especially when you keep hyping it up as dangerous and harmful. Kind of feels like it'd be prudent for me to know what's going on then. I don't like secrets or getting caught off guard by stuff I don't know. So, if you remembered something important then I want to know.
( a breath. it's not easy to say this, but yato must have his reasons. he's got to have a solid reason for not wanting to tell him, especially when he's had this distressed expression on the whole time he's been here. maybe this time, he'll defer to his judgement and let it go. for now. )
But. . . I don't know. If you really think that it's dangerous for me to know then I'll trust your judgement and you can tell me when the time is right. Just promise me that you'll tell me eventually, okay?
[ The allowance comes as a surprise. Yukine trusting him with anything feels like a minor miracle at this point.
It's an allowance Yato is thankful for. He'll tell Yukine all the details eventually -- that much is now inevitable. But even if Yukine is ready to hear everything, Yato isn't quite ready to tell.
There will be plenty of time, he thinks. The changes in people tend to be slow to start and swift to bury. ]
... Alright. I promise. Just give me a little more time. There are some things I need to figure out too.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
is this a public thing
or what
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[ He kind of expects the worst?? ]
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do you want to come back over?
we can talk on the back porch
so you don't have to worry that i might lock you in the closet until you cry
no subject
And just in case you're thinking about burying me in the yard, I'm sending my whereabouts to five different people so they'll know who to investigate
[ ANYWAY he'll be there shortly. He'll give Yukine a ring again instead of knocking, just in case. ]
no subject
( the calling wasn't actually necessary this time around considering that this time yato isn't coming over at some wild hour of the night. the sun is out, everyone is awake and most likely already out somewhere in the town enjoying the nice weather while yukine sits on the back porch. he hadn't really had any plans for the day, but he didn't want to be inside either. so this was his solution, hanging out back here and trying to spot birds.
when he gets yato's call, he hangs it up immediately and walks over to the unlocked gate to greet him. )
C'mon.
( waving him in after pulling it open and then pointing to the set of chairs on the porch. )
actionnn
[ He follows Yukine to the porch, glancing around for anyone who might be there to hear their conversation. He would prefer to stand, if only to have some way of channeling his pent up apprehension, but he'll sit. Awkwardly, on the forward half of the seat, hands in jacket pockets. He's glad he suggested somewhere in the open air.
Small talk would be a farce, so he'll dive right into it once Yukine is settled. ]
So, uh... I should apologize for being secretive last time. I didn't handle things too well.
[ He isn't too proud for anything where his friends are concerned. Quite the contrary. ]
no subject
partly because he expects something stupid or shitty to happen and partly because he's just not sure what he's supposed to do about any of this. he snorts when yato finally speaks, waving a hand in the air. )
No shit.
( a pause. )
So, how about you start talking now then?
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I've seen you in my hallucinomemories. You had the same tattoo in 'em. Other people had tattoos of their own names too.
no subject
( narrowing his eyes a little. saying that you should apologise isn't actually the same thing as apologising. )
What for? Is there any reason for it? Why'd it make you so cagey?
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I apologize, okay? You tried to confide in me and I didn't return the favor. I hurt your feelings. It was unfair of me. I'm sorry.
[ He gets it. He totally gets it. He got it the night it was happening. But it felt, at the time, absolutely necessary. It still kind of does, however much he ends up revealing today. ]
I only know a little. But people's names seemed... important. Like more than just something other people call you.
[ When he called that girl's name, she turned into a sword and flew to his hand. When he met Yukine, all Yukine had were the clothes on his back and that screaming red tattoo on his collarbone. Even the way Yato said Yukine's names -- both of them -- was heavy with care.
Yato's gaze breaks away to focus on some interesting plant nearby. He'll be honest, even if what he says doesn't sound too great. ]
I was cagey 'cause I thought there was some stuff you were better off not knowing. I didn't wanna set off any of your memories on accident.
no subject
he wants answers first.
he combs a hand through his hair as he listens, silent as he gives yato time to talk and time for himself to consider what he'll say to him. )
Kind of pointless to do that, isn't it? If they're my memories or my alter's or whatever the deal is, I'm going to eventually remember it all anyway.
( . . . )
Why would I be better off not knowing? And what do you mean the names are important?
no subject
[ And it's not even not Yukine, the name his parents gave him. Yuki. Yet he possessed both names in Yato's memory...
Trying to explain as much as Yato can of the little he knows without explaining too much is already frustrating. Truly, the blind leading the blind. ]
You'd be better off 'cause... sometimes curiosity kills the cat?
[ Oh god why did he word it that way. He half-turns away from Yukine in his seat and presses his hand to his forehead he's so fucking stupid. But he forges on: ]
Sometimes I think that seeing more of those visions can trigger changes in people. Let's say... you knew I was a sea cucumber in another life. Wouldn't you wanna avoid me possibly turning into a sea cucumber in this life too?
no subject
( a sigh as he sinks a little further in his chair. maybe his expectations were too high or something because he kept getting the impression that yato was a lot more well informed about everything than he's letting on.
maybe yato only knows a little more than him?
or maybe he's fucking with him. again. )
Geez, I thought you were going to have better answers than this.
( a pause.
what the fuck was all that? curiosity kills the cat? sea cucumbers?
okay, let's try it in yato's terms. maybe he'll be enlightening then. )
Are you saying. . . I was like a "sea cucumber" in your memories and you wanna avoid that. . .?
no subject
Excuse me for not being able to cherry-pick hallucinomemories. I want answers too, y'know.
[ And good, just go along with the sea cucumber example. Yato is just glad Yukine isn't immediately trashing him for it. ]
Exactly! It's one of those things you can't take back. You could go full cucumber [ he leans toward Yukine, snaps his fingers ] right this moment, and the egg would be all over my face.
[ And he should... try to have Yukine understand that so he won't ask any more questions, but maybe giving Yukine at least some information will be better in the long run. Sate his curiosity for now. Curated information is better than Yukine stumbling headfirst into any wild old thing. Plus, teenagers. They live to get in trouble. ]
But I bet you still wanna know, don't you?
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( a sigh. yato has a point. he can't feasibly expect that, but still, he was hoping yato had more than this. )
Of course. It isn't even a question.
( who would back away? especially when it's being referred to as something like a cucumber. it's too weird! he just wants to know. )
Aren't you looking at this wrong? If I'm going to remember it anyway like from someone else or on my own, isn't it better to be prepared for the cucumbering?
no subject
Yeah... Yeah. It's just that the stakes are high. Really high.
[ Yato is a reckless gambler, but this is one gamble almost too much to bear. Being open with Yukine could mean nothing, or it could mean everything. Even now, trying to think of something he can tell Yukine without telling too much sends his mind reeling with panic.
Yet his conviction begins to waver. Yato even said it himself to Yuuko, so long ago: if he could know when he was going to die, he would want to know, if only to say his goodbyes.
And that memory is what does it. In the end, he never got to say goodbye to Yuuko, or thank her for being his friend. She forgot so suddenly, he had no chance. Even if she wouldn't have been able to hold onto his farewells, if he'd had the chance to make his peace, maybe he wouldn't have to feel so much sadness when he looks at her now, sadness he can't keep from his face as he looks away from Yukine. He speaks softly. ]
It's your life, Yuki. If knowing that it could harm you doesn't stop you from wanting to know, then I'll tell you.
no subject
( simply said. that much is a fact and there's no amount of deterrent that would make him change his mind. if it's something related to him even if it's not really-quite-him, he wants to know everything he can about it. )
Especially when you keep hyping it up as dangerous and harmful. Kind of feels like it'd be prudent for me to know what's going on then. I don't like secrets or getting caught off guard by stuff I don't know. So, if you remembered something important then I want to know.
( a breath. it's not easy to say this, but yato must have his reasons. he's got to have a solid reason for not wanting to tell him, especially when he's had this distressed expression on the whole time he's been here. maybe this time, he'll defer to his judgement and let it go. for now. )
But. . . I don't know. If you really think that it's dangerous for me to know then I'll trust your judgement and you can tell me when the time is right. Just promise me that you'll tell me eventually, okay?
no subject
It's an allowance Yato is thankful for. He'll tell Yukine all the details eventually -- that much is now inevitable. But even if Yukine is ready to hear everything, Yato isn't quite ready to tell.
There will be plenty of time, he thinks. The changes in people tend to be slow to start and swift to bury. ]
... Alright. I promise. Just give me a little more time. There are some things I need to figure out too.