( the honorific is weird, like forced distance, but he doesn't plan to say anything about it. not now at least, not when he's got so much more important things to say to her. he doesn't want to talk about anything else and he just wants her to listen, to really listen because he knows they've had so many problems understanding each other that they've put up lines between each other. he doesn't want that happen this time. he needs it not to happen. he's not sure he could deal with it this time.
so, he needs her attention and to speak clearly. and not to think about how it might creep her out to be hugged by someone with no heartbeat or signs of breathing.
there's a pause before he finally speaks. )
This way of thinking. . . it's selfish and short-sighted. ( immediately he's hugging her tighter because he's honestly terrified of how she'll respond. ) I know it's not easy to hear, but I wouldn't tell you if you didn't need to know. I'm not trying to make you feel bad, Hiyori. Please don't get mad. It's just . . . I know what it's like. To feel like that and get so wrapped up in what's wrong that you forget to do something about it. While you're worried about not being forgiven and the pain of forgetting, you're drawing boundaries between you and your friends. It's not good. It's not helping. It's probably only going to make you feel worse and worse until you feel like you're drowning. Drowning and too afraid to reach out for help and—
It's ugly. Ugly and makes you feel terribly alone, which is stupid for anyone here to feel because we've all got someone. Even if it's just our teammates.
( he loosens up a little, one arm still around her as he reaches for her hand with the other to hold her fingers, thumb tracing over her knuckles. )
So. . . You need to forgive yourself. For forgetting. For things out of your control. I don't think you can accept forgiveness from anyone else otherwise.
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/3
so, he needs her attention and to speak clearly. and not to think about how it might creep her out to be hugged by someone with no heartbeat or signs of breathing.
there's a pause before he finally speaks. )
This way of thinking. . . it's selfish and short-sighted. ( immediately he's hugging her tighter because he's honestly terrified of how she'll respond. ) I know it's not easy to hear, but I wouldn't tell you if you didn't need to know. I'm not trying to make you feel bad, Hiyori. Please don't get mad. It's just . . . I know what it's like. To feel like that and get so wrapped up in what's wrong that you forget to do something about it. While you're worried about not being forgiven and the pain of forgetting, you're drawing boundaries between you and your friends. It's not good. It's not helping. It's probably only going to make you feel worse and worse until you feel like you're drowning. Drowning and too afraid to reach out for help and—
It's ugly. Ugly and makes you feel terribly alone, which is stupid for anyone here to feel because we've all got someone. Even if it's just our teammates.
( he loosens up a little, one arm still around her as he reaches for her hand with the other to hold her fingers, thumb tracing over her knuckles. )
So. . . You need to forgive yourself. For forgetting. For things out of your control. I don't think you can accept forgiveness from anyone else otherwise.