( his expressions pinch at the clarification. somehow it makes it feel all the more real and he's not sure how he feels about knowing that yato killed someone. it's hard to reconcile with—tying yato in with something like that. even as rough as things used to get, it never came down to murder.
fuck.
should he be backing off from him?
gently wringing his hands together, he gives yato a worried look. )
[ ... It shouldn't hurt. Even if Chuuya wanted it confidential before, there's no point in keeping anything a secret now.
Yukine seems a little uncomfortable, but if he wants to know, then Yato will tell him. ]
「 He had memories of his powers going out of control once he heard a certain trigger phrase. It would consume him until he was dead, and destroy his surroundings in the meantime. We're talking massive craters.
He figured it would be better to be killed by someone else than let himself destroy the city and die anyway, so he asked me to take care of him if it ever came down to it. 」
「 He trusted me to follow through, I can't be prosecuted, and I'm a god of war. Who better for the job? 」
[ He would be lying if he said he didn't feel a small hint of pride at the notion. No -- pride is too strong a word. Perhaps it was a sense of duty, knowing that Chuuya was counting on him. ]
( for some reason, yukine thought that other people didn't know about this. maybe he doesn't know as much as he thought he did and he already thought he barely knew anything. )
「 Maybe this is a stupid question, but—
As a god of war, do you remember killing before this? 」
[ Yato doesn't miss the timing of that frown. He's kept a lot from Yukine -- more than anyone else, where his memories are concerned. Yato can't blame him for feeling left out. ]
「 Yes. All kinds of people. All throughout my life. It came pretty easy. It's hard to explain... but it was something I was good at, so I kept on doing it. 」
「 I dunno. I know I'm not the same as that person. Or at least... I'm not that person yet.
I thought murdering people was a fun game as a kid in that life. "Nature vs. nurture" is usually a big debate, but with me, it was nature all the way. Makes me wonder if it's my nature now too. I'm not itching to cause a massacre or anything, but killing my boss... it wasn't fun, but I still did it. And it felt like an accomplishment. 」
[ His head tilts, looking back to Yukine. ]
「 I'm not happy about it, but I'm not really upset either. I guess I just feel out of touch. 」
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[ Maybe he is being too casual about it. But it isn't in Yato's nature to freak out over things like this. Even less in front of another person. ]
「 To be clear, we weren't just having a spat. It was something I promised to do if his powers ever got out of control. 」
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fuck.
should he be backing off from him?
gently wringing his hands together, he gives yato a worried look. )
「 His powers? 」
( . . . )
「 Could you just explain it from the top? 」
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Yukine seems a little uncomfortable, but if he wants to know, then Yato will tell him. ]
「 He had memories of his powers going out of control once he heard a certain trigger phrase. It would consume him until he was dead, and destroy his surroundings in the meantime. We're talking massive craters.
He figured it would be better to be killed by someone else than let himself destroy the city and die anyway, so he asked me to take care of him if it ever came down to it. 」
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「 Okay. 」
( no. that's not enough. )
「 It makes sense. I get why he would ask someone to take him out before he did something unforgivable.
But why was it you? 」
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[ He would be lying if he said he didn't feel a small hint of pride at the notion. No -- pride is too strong a word. Perhaps it was a sense of duty, knowing that Chuuya was counting on him. ]
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「 And he knew that, huh. 」
( for some reason, yukine thought that other people didn't know about this. maybe he doesn't know as much as he thought he did and he already thought he barely knew anything. )
「 Maybe this is a stupid question, but—
As a god of war, do you remember killing before this? 」
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「 Yes. All kinds of people. All throughout my life. It came pretty easy. It's hard to explain... but it was something I was good at, so I kept on doing it. 」
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「 How do you feel about that? 」
( somehow that seems like the most important question to ask. )
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「 I dunno. I know I'm not the same as that person. Or at least... I'm not that person yet.
I thought murdering people was a fun game as a kid in that life. "Nature vs. nurture" is usually a big debate, but with me, it was nature all the way. Makes me wonder if it's my nature now too. I'm not itching to cause a massacre or anything, but killing my boss... it wasn't fun, but I still did it. And it felt like an accomplishment. 」
[ His head tilts, looking back to Yukine. ]
「 I'm not happy about it, but I'm not really upset either. I guess I just feel out of touch. 」