Citrine has become something really complicated and he's honestly not sure what to do about it. As a general thing, he's accepted that he's moved from being trustworthy into being an enemy in the eyes of most people. He gets less torn up about it as time goes on because he figures it's better that way in general because people shouldn't be foolish enough to be consorting with a beast in the first place. He knows what he is, he knows what he did, and he knows that he's not going to be forgiven. It's just unfortunately the way that it's going to work. Citrine. . . is someone, however, that he honestly does care whether or not she forgives him! The problem is that he believes she isn't going to and he doesn't think he deserves it anyway, so he's been just avoiding her because he's stressed out about it.
He likes Citrine. He has respect for Citrine.
Citrine deserves better. She shouldn't have to talk to beasts like him.
And, as far the knight thing— In Caretaker's world, the duty of a knight is to serve the royal family. That's it. They're called holy and renowned because the royal family are believed to be gods, so naturally if you're blessed enough to join the service. . . you must be holy. It's a huge deal to get knighted! After all, being accepted as a knight means you are the Strongest and Worthy to serve the royal family. There are a gigantic list of perks that also come along with this, meaning that most of the individuals eventually get corrupted by the power bestowed upon them. Knights, as Caretaker knows them, are NOT GOOD PEOPLE. Knights have no problems slaughtering children or doing anything the royal family asks of them—His Mistress, the highest ranking knight at the time of her service, was also completely corrupt. Maybe even the most corrupt. (And if they do refuse or take issue with their orders, they "disappear" but Caretaker doesn't know this bit).
Tiamat got hit in the face with it when they saw one of his memories.
They're not honourable people or religious or chaste or anything. Caretaker has said that he was "a man of honour" despite knowing that's damn well not true, but he doesn't find honour in being a knight.
He has learned through other people that it's not quite the same for them in other worlds.
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He likes Citrine. He has respect for Citrine.
Citrine deserves better. She shouldn't have to talk to beasts like him.
And, as far the knight thing—
In Caretaker's world, the duty of a knight is to serve the royal family. That's it. They're called holy and renowned because the royal family are believed to be gods, so naturally if you're blessed enough to join the service. . . you must be holy. It's a huge deal to get knighted! After all, being accepted as a knight means you are the Strongest and Worthy to serve the royal family. There are a gigantic list of perks that also come along with this, meaning that most of the individuals eventually get corrupted by the power bestowed upon them. Knights, as Caretaker knows them, are NOT GOOD PEOPLE. Knights have no problems slaughtering children or doing anything the royal family asks of them—His Mistress, the highest ranking knight at the time of her service, was also completely corrupt. Maybe even the most corrupt. (And if they do refuse or take issue with their orders, they "disappear" but Caretaker doesn't know this bit).
Tiamat got hit in the face with it when they saw one of his memories.
They're not honourable people or religious or chaste or anything. Caretaker has said that he was "a man of honour" despite knowing that's damn well not true, but he doesn't find honour in being a knight.
He has learned through other people that it's not quite the same for them in other worlds.